


For Loneliness Like This

by tommygirl



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angsty Schmoop, Apocalypse, Community: apocalyptothon, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 09:20:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5780326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tommygirl/pseuds/tommygirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was supposed to be a quick trick home to Texas...no one told Jared the end of the world was coming.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Loneliness Like This

**Author's Note:**

  * For [phaballa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/phaballa/gifts).



> For phaballa for this year's apocalyptothon off the request, "The only thing worse than the apocalypse is the apocalypse in Texas." I hope this fits the bill. Much love to vinylroad for walking me through the early stages of this fic and for the beta. She promises that I'm "special" for being able to bring some schmoop to an apocalypse. It's a gift, I guess.

Jared always loved roller coasters. He loved the exhilaration as the cart dropped down and he was too stunned to breathe, speed and time seeming to stop for a brief moment. No matter how many times he road the same ride, he could never properly anticipate the second where everything fell away and he was suspended in the air.

It wasn’t a feeling meant to be duplicated outside of that space, but there it was. Jared felt the terrifying constriction of his diaphragm, but there was no end in sight, no roller coaster hill that would crest off into a distant curve. There was an ongoing moment unfolding as he sat next to his parents, watching the world unfold around them on the television.

And that free-falling feeling wasn’t nearly as amazing when the person that mattered most to him hadn’t answered his phone in over forty-eight hours.

 

***

It was supposed to be a quick trip to San Antonio, a long weekend so Jared could attend his friend’s wedding, catch up with his family, and enjoy the comfort of mom’s home cooking. Nothing out of the ordinary, except for the weird ache in his chest that had started forming when he was apart from Jensen for too long. Nothing he hadn’t done a million times before.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?” Jared asked, dumping his clothes into his suitcase.

Jensen sat on the bed watching Jared pack with an amused grin. “I have that charity thing tomorrow and I’m not sure anyone is ready for us to show up to a fucking wedding as a couple,” he said, a brief flicker of apprehension in his tone.

Jared shrugged. He knew all the reasons that it would be a monumentally bad idea – the logic that kept him from grabbing Jensen and yelling “mine” when girls got a little too close for comfort – but it didn’t matter against the thought of waking up without Jen’s slobber on his arm.

Jensen, utilizing a weird ability to read Jared’s thoughts, pulled Jared away from his suitcase until he was standing in front of Jensen. He wrapped his legs around him and said, “I’ll miss you too, J.”

Jared pushed him down on the bed, covering Jensen with his body and allowing his hands to roam, as though he had to memorize every detail. He kissed Jensen, slow and thorough, allowing his tongue to savor the taste of cinnamon. His hands moved up to cup Jensen’s face and his thumb stroked over the line of freckles under his eye. He grinned and said, “Four days is nothing.”

“And there is always phone sex.”

Jared laughed as he pinned Jensen’s arms over his head and traced his tongue along Jensen’s throat, biting down on his earlobe. “I love you,” he whispered sweetly.

“Who wouldn’t? Look at this body.”

“I intend to,” Jared replied, leaving a trail of small kisses down his chest. One hand kept Jensen pinned while the other went to work on Jensen’s belt buckle.

Jensen squirmed underneath him and asked, “What about packing?”

Jared glanced at the clock before kissing Jensen again and said, “Plenty of time for that later.”

 

***

There was something about a crisis that managed to sum up a person better than any lengthy conversation or psych evaluation ever could. No one really knew how someone would act when the sky fell and smothered him under its horror. Tragedy and disasters had a way of making everything clear as it robbed a person of his future.

And the worst part was…there wasn’t a whole lot that could be done to stop it.

“Jen, this is the third message I’ve left for you. Get the hint and fucking call me. And your parents. They’re freaking out,” Jared said in a huffy tone when Jensen’s voice mail picked up for the fifth time that morning. He dropped the phone on the table and went back into the living room to join his parents around the television.

Somewhere between drunken dancing at his friend’s wedding and creeping into the house, Mother Nature had gone fucking crazy. His parents and sister were sitting on the sofa and when Jared entered, he felt that whoosh of breath in his lungs as everything stopped. He heard bits and pieces, and suddenly Jared’s plans for some dirty phone sex turned into a _gotta-make-sure-he’s-okay-please-God-he-has-to-be-okay_ panicked call.

All hell had broken loose on the east and west coasts. New York City was pretty much under water and Los Angeles – where Jensen was – had been hit by a series of huge tornados. No matter how many times he told himself that this couldn’t be happening, the news got worse. No matter how often he checked his clock, his phone still didn’t ring.

“Honey, I’m sure he’s fine. Los Angeles isn’t equipped for tornados. He probably hasn’t called because he can’t,” his mother said over and over in different variations. Jared simply nodded and swallowed down the bile in his throat until he couldn’t take it anymore.

He grabbed his phone and left the house, pretending not to notice the unusually cold weather that had overtaken San Antonio. He walked down the block, clutching his phone and willing it to ring. He made crazy bets with God – let it ring and I’ll go to church every week, let him be alright and I’ll never forget to return my mom’s phone calls – but the damn phone still didn’t ring.

Jared walked around the neighborhood, getting colder and colder with each block but unwilling to turn back. He knew what the news was saying – new ice age, evacuation of most of the United States – but it was hard to register the idea that it was freezing in San Antonio in the middle of summer. It didn’t compute. Things like this only happened in movies with Jake Gyllenhaal.

Jared stared at his cellphone and dialed again. Four rings and then the voice mail. He whispered, “You gotta call me, man. I don’t know what to do.”

 

 

***

The people who said things got easier with time obviously weren’t talking about natural disasters and missing loved ones, Jared decided. His mother had forced him to go lay down after twenty-four hours of waiting by his phone while the rest of his family made preparations for the coming storm. His bed was cold beneath him and all the things he never said to Jensen ran through his mind. Why hadn’t he insisted Jensen come with him? Why hadn’t he told everyone to go fuck themselves and let the world know how much Jensen mattered to him? _Why, why, why?_ It was like a bad pop song playing on repeat in his brain.

His father opened the door of his room and shot a questioning glance at the phone. Jared sighed and said, “Still no word. Not even getting a ring anymore.”

“He’s probably trying to get out of the way of this thing.”

Jared smiled mirthlessly. His father wasn’t one for focusing on the utter horror of any situation. Jared threw a pillow over his head in reply. The end of the world as he knew it should’ve felt bigger than this. It should’ve resonated on a level beyond Jensen and his continued existence. None of that mattered though. Jared was completely focused on Jensen and doing whatever he had to in order to get him back.

 

 

***

“People continue their mass exodus into Mexico, leaving behind their lives as they know it in hopes of nothing more than survival. All emergency services are urging those who were unable to get to a warmer climate, stay out of the cold and find some place to ride out the storm,” the newscaster said, eerily calm.

Jared found himself laughing as the reporter went on talking as snow fell around her. Snow. _In fucking Mexico_. It was ridiculous and impossible and it had to be a bad dream. He would wake up with his dogs’ noses pressed into his face and Jensen curled up behind him.

But he looked out the window and he could barely see anything beyond a thick blanket of white surrounding the house. It was real and the world was all wrong and he didn’t fear death as much as the idea of having to live without Jensen. And it only made Jared laugh even harder.

His parents exchanged a worried gaze and his sister suggested that they stop watching the coverage because it was depressing and _Pirates of the Caribbean_ never ceased to make her smile. Jared took a sip of the tea his mother had made for him – more to humor her – and stood up, stretching and mumbling something about seeing how much snow had already fallen on the ground.

He loved his family, but they were tiring him out. They meant well and were trying to keep him from completely losing it, but he was beginning to fear the worst, and they were making that impossible to handle. And he hated them a little bit because they couldn’t really get it. Because his parents were _together_. No matter what happened from that point on – whether it was the end of the world or a footnote in the earth’s history – they could deal with it as a unit.

He was supposed to have that. He was supposed to be able to sit there on the sofa, his arms draped around Jensen, as they thought about how horrible and scary this was and mourn the loss of all those people, grateful that they were okay.

 

 

***

The electricity went out that night and Jared and his family huddled around the fire that was still going strong in the fireplace. A few hours later, Jared finally succumbed to exhaustion, dreaming of Jensen and happier times. At least it started out with various memories, except every time he got a hold of Jensen, he slipped away from him. Jared would yell out and Jensen would reappear, but over and over he would simply fade away.

Jared woke up with an ache in his chest to a whole new world. His father’s old radio was broadcasting news that it was likely anyone who hadn’t managed to get far enough south hadn’t survived the storm. As he ran his hands over his face, he felt his family’s eyes all on him. “He could’ve gotten out of there. We don’t know anything for sure yet,” he said, blinking back tears.

“You’re right, sweetie. Los Angeles isn’t that far from Mexico, right?”

“Well…”

“After the tornadoes, things were probably chaotic. I bet he’s just as worried about you as you are about him,” his mom said, resting her hand on his arm.

Jared nodded and focused his eyes on the window behind his mother. It was bright. The sky a bright blue and the white snow reflecting the light in every direction. It was breathtaking and if it hadn’t cost so many lives, it would’ve been an amazing moment.

 

 

***

It was another two days before the military showed up to properly evacuate the town to a shelter area. Jared knew it was stupid, but he grabbed his phone before they left the house. The scene around them was a beautiful sort of devastation – flags frozen mid-ripple in the air. The damage it had caused in Texas only highlighted what the rest of the country must have looked like.

The truck crossed over the border and passed through a gate filled with a village of tents. A voice began barking out commands that Jared didn’t really understand.

“Jared, c’mon, son,” his father said, motioning for him to follow them off the truck.

Jared hesitated for a second. He realized that the minute he stepped off the truck, he would be living in a different world, a world of recovery where chaos no longer overshadowed the loss of normalcy, and he was scared to death that it was a world he would have to face alone.

 

 

***

Jared hadn’t been a normal little kid. He loved fairy tales. He loved the idea of good triumphing over evil and no situation being too hard to overcome and people living happily ever after. His friends used to tease him mercilessly about it. He came home from kindergarten one day with tears streaming down his cheeks and informed his mother that according to Joey Bairstow, fairy tales were not real and happy endings didn’t exist.

She sat him down at the kitchen table, knelt down in front of him, her hands on his knees, and said, “The stories themselves might not always be true, but happy endings are always possible. Remember that. Even when it gets tough.” He had made her promise that she wasn’t lying and satisfied with her use of the pinky swear, Jared had stopped crying and gone on about his afternoon of playing and tormenting his sister.

Throughout his life, Jared had done as he was told. He had remembered his mother’s words about happy endings. He even believed it for the most part, but until the climate disaster occurred, he never really had any reason to doubt it. He never really imagined living in a world without the person who mattered most to him because it simply wasn’t possible.

He walked through the small town of tents that was erected as a temporary home for thousands. He noticed people grieving, thanking God for survival, and offering up a mixture of both. He was numb to it all. He thought he should feel something - pity for those who lost family, envy of those who had been reunited with loved ones - but there was a gaping hole where his emotions should’ve been.

He sat down at a table and pulled out his phone, staring at it. It belonged to another life, to a guy who wasn’t living in a small tent with his family.

After sitting there for what felt like hours, he chucked the phone in the trash and attempted to find his way back to his family. He had to stay focused on them for the time being otherwise he was likely to fall apart.

When he finally found his tent, he shut his eyes against the echo of a voice that sounded so familiar. He snapped his head around, expecting to see some random stranger who simply sounded like Jensen, but was greeted with nothing but air. He took a deep, evening breath, repeating “I won’t hallucinate,” before pushing back the flap of the tent.

Jared wasn’t quite sure what to make of the sight before him. He stood there for a minute, completely dumbfounded, convinced that this was like the probability of winning a mega-million lottery with one fucking ticket. He stood there and stared at Jensen’s unkempt clothes and scruffy face, trying to believe that he wasn’t insane.

It wasn’t until his father put his hand on Jensen’s back and said, “Look who decided to grace us with his presence,” that it hit Jared and he crossed the small area in two long strides. He wrapped his arms around Jensen and inhaled the scent of his hair and breath. He heard his mother whisper something followed by footsteps, but couldn’t bring himself to move away from Jensen.

After some time passed, Jensen moved back, but Jared wouldn’t let him get more than a few inches away. If this was another dream, he was going to enjoy it. He tilted his head down and covered his lips with Jensen’s. Same cinnamon taste as the last time they had kissed. Same ticklish spot on Jensen’s side that Jared liked to torture him with whenever he was annoyed.

“J…” Jensen breathed into Jared’s mouth, his arms tightening around him as though he wasn’t sure that Jared was real either.

“I’m here,” Jared replied. He pulled back slightly, resting his forehead against Jensen’s, and forced a smile. He said, “You scared the fuck out of me, man.”

“Yeah. Your parents were telling me.”

“I don’t know what I would’ve...” Jared’s voice trailed off and he choked on the last few words as a sob wracked through him. A part of him wanted to laugh at the sheer idiocy of the moment. He had made it through the entire ordeal, faced with the looming dread that Jensen was gone forever, and he hadn’t cracked, but now that he had Jensen safely in his arms, he couldn’t hold his shit together.

“J, it’s fine. I’m here,” Jensen replied, stroking his back. Jared rested his head on Jensen’s shoulder, nestling his face into Jensen’s neck, again savoring the scent of Jensen’s skin. He swallowed back another sob as Jensen’s hands ran through his hair and he said, “It’s okay. We’re both okay.”

“I love you. I love you so much, Jen,” Jared managed to get out once he calmed down a bit.

Jensen’s cheeks flushed and he smiled. He patted Jared’s cheek and said, “Who wouldn’t? Look at this body.”

Jared laughed, pressing himself against Jensen, and said, “You’re an asshole.”

“Hardly news.”

“What happened to you? Where have you been? Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine. Tired and freaked out, but okay. Smartest decision I made was getting the fuck out of L.A.”

“You better have a good excuse for not picking up your phone.”

“The end of the fucking world doesn’t cut it with you?”

“Nope.”

Jensen sighed. “I knew something wasn’t right when the tornados hit, so I packed up the dogs and a few things in the truck and decided to get the hell out of the city. Figured I’d shack up with my parents and call you when I got there...” Jensen paused and chuckled before continuing, “...my mom used to say that no matter what happened in the world, Texas would always be there. She was right. It was a mess out there, man, and I ended up waiting the storm out in some elementary school in a small town in New Mexico with a bunch of people.”

“You should’ve called me before you left, Jen.”

“I was a little more concerned with getting out of there in one piece.”

Jared traced small patterns into the skin on Jensen’s arm and said, “Logically, I know that, but…”

“…but you’re still pissed I didn’t call.”

“Yes.”

“Will you forgive me if I promise to never leave your side again?”

“Well, that’s non-negotiable. What else you got to offer?”

“I saved those mangy dogs of yours. They’re in the tent with all the other pets being checked over. Real fun trying to outrun an apocalypse with those two mutts.”

Jared cupped Jensen’s face and said, “I really do love you.”

Jensen tilted his head to the side, taking Jared in with an appraising look, and said, “I love you too.” Jensen pushed his hand against Jared’s chest, managing to get free of Jared’s grip on him, and said, “But no offense, man. You fucking reek. The world coming to an end is no reason to throw basic hygiene out the window.”

Jared laughed and said, “I’m pretty sure a happily ever after should not involve you bitching at me about smelling.”

“Is that what this is?”

Jared glanced around the tent. Life was nothing like it had been before, but he had Jensen and that was all that mattered. “Definitely.”

Jensen arched his eyebrow and replied, “How about me offering to help scrub you down? Is that more like a happy ending?”

Jared grabbed a hold of Jensen’s hand and pulled him against him once again. He kissed him and said, “That sounds about right.”

_{Fin}_


End file.
